Dieting is the product of a worldwide conspiracy. The Illuminati, Bilderberger’s, Media and world governments are in cahoots to ‘farm’ people to fit into clothes, when they can barely fit into their own circumstances.
We are bombarded by images of ‘stick insects’ in Versace clothes wafting up catwalks like a rasher of wind. Living off Ryvita and a Rothmans, to be the ideal shape. Are models such as these, known for being the sharpest knife in the drawer? Not in those shoes. Men are confused. Most don’t want to shag toast-racks. Men are ‘educated’ in the tabloids, in some schizophrenic way that in order to be worthy of malehood, we have to drool over huge breasts on women, when their own breastfeeding was just a warm memory. Now with the advent of cosmetic surgery, breasts are generally made of silicon and won’t resemble those of your Mother. I’m not stereotyping. Let’s face facts. Dating women of those dimensions may cause deafness and getting into evening gowns must be like trying to get inflated airbags back into the steering wheel.
Models. The dim view.
Are they a bit slow in the brain department? Well God rarely gives you both body perfection and a Mensa assessment. But you can be thick as shit and smart. The like of ‘barbie celebs’ usually end up getting into nightclubs free and having all their drinks paid for or hooking up with talented people like Peter Andre. A lyrical genius and iconic reality show debutante. I bet he can’t wait to do the Observer crossword over breakfast. Look at all the ‘bimbos’ that have got famous and ‘milked it’ for every penny but still thought monogamy was a type of furniture. Marilyn Monroe, Sam Fox, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Dale Winton. Dolly Parton has two reasons why she is famous. Her love of sewing and good exercise. If she ran for a bus you would only ever see one bobbin.
The Media. “All furcoat and no knickers.”
The Media have programmed us to all want to look like the ‘Beckman’s’. That means, we will be able to spend the rest of our lives with the brains of a mongoose, playful pouts, and children with crap names. Be honest, if those two put their heads together they couldn’t make a log cabin. Mind you, when David gets too old to play ‘footie’ at least he knows his wife has her solo singing career to fall back on.
According to the media this is what we should all look like.
Next time you are in a stationers, just look at the plethora of guilt enforcement in overpriced glossy fashion magaziness. Ugly fat people print this stuff. The guy who delivers mine is the size of Wisconsin.
Cosmetic surgery… the dangers.
If oldie victim Ann Robinson has succumbed to surgery just because she cannot accept the etching on her face scribed by of old father Time what hope is there for the rest of us. “You are the weakest link…..Goodbye..”
Taking the Mickey
Tough man Hollywood actor Mickey Rourke has had Botox, and the odd facelift. The trouble is as the saggy x-boxer reveals, he hasn’t had much work since his role in ‘Barfly’ where he plays a frustrated drunk who doesn’t bathe and brawls every night. This is because producers claimed they could not tell whether he was in character on set, or just being himself. This lack of work has forced him to walk about in shoes he found from a clothing bank (below). He has graduated from his past movie career to boxing again. His brains are so scrambled he thinks a ‘nip and tuck’ is advice from his gym trainer.
Is Mickey Rourke an intelligent role model for us? Well any actor who pays for plastic surgery to have it ‘re-arranged’ in the ring wants his bumps felt.
Our next advice is good diet. But first book some colonic irrigation. This removes all residual mucus when without a handkerchief, and is effective for ‘gurning’ championships.