“There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your hearts desire. The other is to get it.”~ (George Bernard Shaw1856-1950 “Man and Superman” )
The fact that ‘dyslexia’ is so hard to spell.
Highland games. How can you win anything in a frock?
Those awful cameramen who do aggressive and wild panning shots in NYPD or abstract movies thinking it will be ‘more visual’. If I want to have characters whizzing by while I am trying to focus I will go on a roller coaster or fall out of a fifty high storey window.
Rubbernecking accidents on motorways. It is simpler to ask your children to record it on a video camera.
People who come to tea and want to say ‘grace’ knowing that you are a heathen, pagan savage.
Realising your brains must be in your arse, because the only way you can remember the reason why you first walked into a room, is if you sit down first to think about it.
The look of glee on fellow customers faces when you fall out of a hammock at a garden centre.
The obscenities hurled at you from soggy bus queues when you inadvertently drench them at speed through a gutter long puddle from the comfort of your car.
Trying not to laugh when you buy a vacuum cleaner and the sales assistant refers to one of the accessories as a ‘crevice tool’.
Seeing the GP about a suspected lump on your testicle and he points out to you that ‘its just the other one’.
The fact people who say ‘beauty is only skin deep’ are usually already beautiful.
When people cannot find the Yellow pages. Should it be bigger and a different colour?
“Why we are surprised petrol-heads hate Alan Titchmarsh”