I must be a sinner! I asked God for a better car and got this
Avoid accidents! A pizza will arrive quicker than the cops do.
I don’t fake orgasms – just relationships.
If I agree with you it’s to prove you wrong.
My mother calls me a son of a bitch. Result!
I’m hungry and horny. Let’s nibble NOW
My car handles like me. I go like a bomb when I’m warmed up!
I hate my job and car. I need to career off the road.
Excuse my driving. I have taken laxative because the sleeping pills have kicked in.
I hope God can see what I can see in my rear mirror and that he is as entertained as me.
Kill a vegetarian and stay at the top of the food chain.
Drop back or I’ll drop you.
Keep your distance I can read your mind!
Keep your distance. I’ve seen enough!
Keep your distance unless you have a nice butt
Laugh at your problems, I do.
Arsehole at wheel. Nob following it.
I’m the real STIG on my day off from that twat Jeremy Clarkson
Please pass I’m texting.
Medium driving. You will meet a tall parked Range Rover.
I love S&M . I must do to drive this car.
Pointless driver. No nipples.
This is my personal hearse.
I’m stopping for a piss soon.
I’m stopping for a shit soon.
I’m stopping for wank soon.
I’m stopping to buy a paper soon.
I’d fight you but you’re ugly with nothing to lose.
When in doubt ..mumble.
Take things with a pinch of salt. Especially Tequila!
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts so teach something evil!
Your driving sucks.. but don’t keep rubbing it in!
Impotent driver. No hard feelings.
Wankers on this road. Save your upholstery wear a condom.
Stay alert. Only drive when you have thrush.
Quiet please. Wanking.
Honk! If you are ejaculating right now.
You are following me but you will never be me.
I live in hope for your driving skills but you should carry a lifejacket at all times.
Change is inevitable except for gormless cunts like you on the road.
I don’t suffer from bad driving. I enjoy it!
Hey! I’m not a mind-reader!
Where’s the snooze button on this dash?
Like this road I have dangerous curves.
Ok! Let’s do this shit!
My other cars a dodgem.
My other cars a ski-lift.
My other cars a swimming pool flume.
Stay calm! You don’t fully understand my situation.
We all make mistakes. You just made yours.
Off to spec savers!
Where the fuck is your white stick?
Take your driving and stay parked.
My car runs on sex and I’m on empty.
Dyslexics love Alan.
‘Possessio’ is nine tenths of the law
If you are nice to me I will not need to give you the finger.
The probability of somebody watching you is proportionate to your lack of driving skills.
Enemies come and go but lorry-drivers just piss everybody off.
Do they lock garage station loos so nobody can clean them?
I’m a good-looking bird and I want to shit on your head.
I don’t do PUNCTUAL I’m never there to appreciate it.
Men drive like their sperm. 320 million on the road and only one with any sense of direction.
Women should not drive while on their cycle. They only have one arse.
Passed my test today! Just so I can piss you off at the same time.
Drive with patience. I want to piss you off even more.
Drive Carefully! I suffer PMS. The fuse on my tampon is already alight!
I’m in shape and round is the shape I am in.
You should be shot for your driving. Sooner than later, so I get an early parole.
Don’t piss me off! I have nowhere else to hide the bodies.
I want to come back as Danni and Kylies loofer.
I’m only in front of you because you’re a shit driver.
Men are idiots and spread evenly across all the villages.
My driving is the ultimate statistic. Thanks Wikipedia!
I’m not as thunk as some tinkle peep I am!
My other car is my husbands. Burglar proof, but not idiot proof.
Say ‘No’ to drugs and just give them to me.
Getting married for sex is like going to the pub for the free peanuts.
Just because you have one don’t drive like one.
I think, so therefore I’m single!
It’s OK to laugh during sex, just don’t point!
Insanity is in your genes. Given to you by your kids!
I don’t negotiate unless I can say NO!
Did you teach the French to drive?
I have a large following. I obey the speed limit on narrow windy roads.
Been there! Seen it all! Done it all! Just can’t remember most of it.
Vermin will never get out of the ratrace. Ask any man!
When you are up to your ears in crap. Keep your mouth shut.
Accept it! Your parents had to have sex to have you!
If I could ever give a shit I would give it to you.
Your boyfriend thinks I’m fit.
Don’t act stupid. I’m much better at it.
I ran into my x wife the other day. Expensive paint job.. but worth it!
Women drivers are amazing each time! Different opinions, same results.
Don’t let your mind wander. It may never return?
Divorcing my wife was a difficult time. Then I got legal aid!
Your driving is stating the obvious and that goes without saying.
I do miss my wife from time to time. But my aim is improving.
99.9% of drivers like you give the rest of us a bad name!
You drive like you have impotence. Do you shoot pool with a rope?
The last woman I entered was the Statue of Liberty.
Watch it! Bad things happen to good people too!
Why is rush-hour so fucking slow?
Happy Bunny! Crack in glove box.
Stop the war on terror. Kill a politician.
Enjoy safe sex but don’t forget the combination.
There is too much sex on TV. Use a bed.
Confucious say: Longest journey start with no spare tyre.
I may have Alzeimers but at least I don’t have Alzeimers.
Warning: I have an attitude and know how to use it!
I’m usually polite BUT aren’t bus-driver’s and their families assholes?
THE STIG has nothing on you! Except he is not the asshole here!
In your case The Highway Code was something only other people ever read.
Keep death of the roads. Ram a caravanner.
God Loves You. He just hates your kids.
White man van! I bet Mum’s proud of you!
On balance I hate tightropes.
Letting you loose on the road is about as popular as a pork pie in a synagogue.
This bumper sticker is off-duty.
If you can read this then you probably don’t have 2 surnames.
Happy driver. On weed.
Painfree driver. On morphine.
Pain in the arse passenger aboard.
Damp driver. Incontinent.
Keeping moist just for you.
Nothing you can read here can explain how you got a driver’s licence!
H.G.V. Huge Gutless Vermin
Stay back! My brakes have never been used.
If you shag like you drive then parking must be impossible?
If you get any closer we will need an announcement of some kind.
Ladies: Please feel free to use my wing mirrors as ankle rests.
Put it away! CCTV cameras operate in this area.
I’m not a Gynaecologist but how hard can it be?
Sorry! I’m a sex starved pensioner. No hard feelings.
I sleep around a lot, but in your case I won’t wake up.
I don’t sleep around. I bring them back to my place.
I’m a clumsy gynaecologist and I just can’t put my finger on it.
Guess the name of the gynaecologist driving? C’mon Fingers on the buzzers…
Midwife on board. Don’t tell my real wife.
If this car seems to be driving itself it’s because I’m giving myself a BJ
My wife is like my car. Both need a good throttle.
Please pass, playing backgammon
Please stop the driver and offer cigarettes and alcohol
District nurse on board. Anything with a pulse, me.
Police dog handlers in back. Burn you bastards!
Get your life back. Drive through an International call centre.
Uncensored & Original Dr Farquar’s “BEST BUMPER STICKERS” (view with discretion…or not?)
I must be a sinner! I asked God for a better car and got this