Bricklayers Being Killed Off By Radiowaves (spoofnews by Perry Estelle)

Bricklayers found dead in skip.

A bricklaying gang fell from a three story scaffold to their death today.

Steve ‘Bosher’ Wilkins, his fellow bricklayer Morris Plunkett and  labourer Johnny Fretwell, were all found dead on Monday morning, headfirst inside a skip, on a run-down Leeds council estate. Take your pick.

A post mortem was carried out on the three unfortunate tradesmen, putting an end to speculation on possible health and safety issues, before the tragedy. The scaffold company ‘Monkey Trapeze’ stand by their reputation for good workmanship.

Phil Lucky from Gateshead, a time-served scaffold specialist, commented via an interpreter and provided a defence.

“Yer canna bleim uzz forrit, mun, I wuz inna forkin boozar atta tim, leek!”

The coroner’s report has stunned other pathologists as to the ‘death by misadventure’ verdict.

Spokesman, Brian Bread , said,

“It’s the first case of multiple suicides before tea-break on building sites, on a Sunday when no double time is offered in history. It’s thought that the crew were badly hungover and unable to find any other radio frequency and listened to nearly an hour of ‘Steve Wrights’ Sunday Love Songs’. It’s my belief that overexposure to overplayed love ballads, like 80’s classic Phyliss Nelsons’ ‘Move Closer’ and Chris DeBurghs’ ‘Lady in Red’ is the probable cause of the men’s despair, coupled with the fact they were already ‘under the weather’ with alcohol abuse.

The hodcarriers’ Father, Omar Gawd, an asylum seeker from the Helmand province, was unable to comment through grief and not being able to speak English.

His voluntary legal advisor for the “Stay as Long as you Like” free migration charity, revealed Mr Gawd, said he wished he had never come to the UK, as the Taliban is less of a threat, than listening to Lionel Richie over and over again.

Mr Bread said, “The poor guys were found to have not once, not twice, but three times of the normal amount of lovesongs in their system at the time of their death.

The World Health Organisation want all radio listeners to be vigilant if the suicide rate is to be curbed. Other depressing songs like ‘Romeo & Juliet” by Dire Straights and ‘Ben’ by Michael Jackson with ‘Private Dancer ‘  in the top 10 of similar drivel, can lead to mental health problems and also be life-threatening.

Our reporter Skyped, Lady Googoo, groupie for Kajagoogoo, who said, “You won’t catch my lads writing shite like that, they’re too shy shy, hush hush, eye to eye.”


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